So, I’m not super woman…
Has it really been almost four months since the women’s retreat. I will never be able to put into words how God ministered to me at the women’s retreat. There has been many storms in the couple years. As talked about on the retreat, God brought me out of the cave just as he did for David when he wrote the 23rd Psalm, I am new. I am a new person. As others around me know, almost a year ago I had a breakdown. Because of my never ending mission of making sure everyone else ok, I didn’t deal with my own emotion or process anything that had happened to me. I won’t go into details publicly, but there were wounds. After counseling and processing events in my life, I started to gain strength. With each step, tear, panic attack God walked with me. He held me, gave me peace, and help me process my feelings. So when I went to the retreat I was walking the path of healing but wondering at the changed inside of me. As I listened to our guest speaker at the retreat, God revealed some of his purpose of that dark time.
Now we go into 2011, its scary. I won’t lie. Just as the enemy does he tries to embark fear onto our lives. To cause us to be paralyzed in doing what God has called us to do, to question what we hold dear to our hearts. I deal with anxiety on an every day basis. If you have anxiety or have a loved one that struggles with it you know its not an easy thing. Some times you can’t make heads or tail of anything. I’m not writing this to get sympathy but to maybe give some one hope that with Christ all things are possible (Phil 4:13) because he gives us that strength. With out him we are nothing, can do nothing, can overcome nothing… He alone is the answer to your turmoil, anguish, hurt, and sorrow. He has been mine. When I can hardly stand to open my eyes to face another day God gives me the strength.
The brutal truth of it all is there are days when we are weak… when we do not want to see, talk, interact with anyone or anything. Even as Christians we face hard times, we are not promised a bed of roses… the difference is that as Christians we have a God that protects us, that gives us strength to fight the attacks of our mind, body, and soul.
I’m going to feed scripture into my self everyday. To get the word in me, so that Christ comes out in my words and actions. I want to grow closer to GOd then ever before. The hunger in my soul is constantly on my mind… I’m feeling this pull to constantly be in prayer, worship, communion with God… This is definitely going to be a awesome year!
Starting today I’m going to break down Eph. 4:20-32… There is alot of instruction in these scriptures. I just feel led to study them. I’m going to try and post everyday with what I learn.
Some of you may or may not know. But Josh and I want a family. A baby is something both of our hearts desire. We know the Lord has a plan. So if you just be in prayer with us about that.
Until tomorrow…
