my own journey…
My journey in life up to this point has been happy, sad, disappointing, exciting, but most of all blessed. On January 19,2010 I embarked on a journey I never thought would travel. To everyone on the outside I had it together. But on this day there was a black hole that took me tumbling through many dark places. Not many may know but in the past I have suffered from anxiety but since about 2004 haven’t had much trouble. If I would have a bad day I get through it with prayer and fighting it all day. I could no longer fight. So many things have happened in the last 24 years that has been very traumatic. There have been some big changes. From getting married to losing my grandmother to car wrecks to my little brother being burned … everything just came all down on me at one time. I was to a point where I couldn’t even get out of bed. I didn’t want to leave the house. I just wanted to be with Josh. Anxiety racked my body, mind, and soul. As much as my heart loves the Lord, I couldn’t even think clearly enough to pray. I barley could talk. I was in hysterics for about a week, it was a constant state of panic. I had literally hit rock bottom. I felt just beaten, defeated. I went to church seeking solace, peace, something… but it didn’t come. Josh was by my side, if you never listen to anything listen to this, wait for the person God has for you… Its worth the wait trust me. Josh held me up prayers, he comforted me the best he could, he handled EVERYTHING! I don’t think I could ever tell him how much he helped, or how much I love him.I went to the doctors and there was nothing physically wrong for me to have such a quick breakdown. So I sought help through a Christian counselor, he was a Pastor that I trusted and had known for some time. He is the Pastor of my parents church. So started going to counseling, something I never ever thought I would do. I am going to school to be the counselor! Oh but God had other plans… I found out how weak a human can be, and how mighty and strong our Lord IS. After years of trying to help everyone’s feelings, hurts, problems… I forgot to work on my own. Life throws our way some tough things. Honestly, I believe that the Lord allowed me to go through some things so that when I do become that Christian counselor (and I WILL) I will be equipped. Because EVERYTHING the enemy tries to do for bad, the Lord will turn to good if we allow him to! So after many sessions with this Pastor, I started working on some things. Getting things out. Everyday…. little by little… God has restored me. I’m a different person on the inside, I’ve changed some on the outside as well. There are some things I have changed in my life. There are certain things that will not be allowed in my life. I’ve learned to be honest to myself and others about my feelings.
Do you know what? It wasn’t easy, it was a struggle. I still have some bad days but I know how to handle them. I know God has called me to help people, I’m still available to everyone who needs me for advice or prayer. . That’s why we have to lean on the Lord. I will do what God has called me to do with praise on my lips and in my heart!
I have a new refreshing joy of the Lord! I have felt closer to him than I do now! He brought me through the dark valley and I’ve learned to PRAISE HIM ANYHOW!
I’m not sure why God has me writing this. It has been on my heart all day to write. I’ve learned that its OK to not be strong sometimes. I’m not the fixer, I’m not responsible for peoples feelings or situations. I’m only a willing vessel that God uses. But praise be to God, he loves us all so much, and I thank him for showing me all over again! This is my testimony because as Smith Wigglesworth said “Great faith is a product of good fights.Great testimonies are the outcome of great tests. Great triumphs can only come out of great trials”
